Most of the good feels have nothing to do with my physical state, actually.
What I want to talk about today is how miraculously my life shifted- in every area- from the moment that I saw those two pink lines.
So let's kick it off with a preggo selfie to set the stage, then we'll jump right in!
DISCLAIMER: I'm going pretty deep today.
I want to share with you the most significant part of my pregnancy journey (so far!) I've been a personal development/self-help junkie for just about 10 years now. I've put in A LOT of hours doing psychological/physiological/emotional and spiritual research. Mostly, because it feels good to me.
I love challenging myself to grow out of old ideas, expand ways of thinking and get out of the box of habitual patterns. So, no one was more surprised than I was when my new baby came along (or, let's say "was conceived") with a message and a lesson for momma. You know what the message was? You still have some work to do and some demons to face.
And, he was right.
I needed to get real and honest with myself about my bad habits. The smoking. The drinking.
These were self-sabotaging tools that I learned early in life and never got in check.
I struggled with how much and how often I engaged in these unproductive activities.
Bad day at work? Go to the pub and forget about it!
Happy day? Have a glass of wine to celebrate! Have the bottle!
Stressed about something? Us too! Drink until you don't feel it. While you're at it, smoke a shitload of nasty cigarettes too!
This is pretty much how the cycle went for....well, a long time. I think the worst part of my excessive consumption was that I knew (as all of us with dependence issues know) that I was falling down the rabbit hole, just a little bit at a time.
Drinking and smoking are just so socially NORMALIZED and acceptable, that it's really easy for it to become a problem that no one really thinks is a problem. Do you see what I mean?
Now, the nice things. As soon as I saw those two pink lines, a couple of things happened.
A big part of me was like, "YES!!! Now I can chill out and take a vacation from drinking! I have a real reason to practice sobriety for more than 20 days in a row (previous record!)
2. OVERWHELMING JOY AND HAPPINESS.
This was instant but also has grown SIGNIFICANTLY as each day passes. I have NEVER felt this naturally happy. I know now that it has a lot to do with the fact that I am not loading my body with toxins and chemicals. My brain, heart and lungs are functioning naturally. Any "highs" I feel are natural highs, which are the best kind.
3. SINCERE GRATITUDE FOR EVERYTHING.
This is such a biggie. All of a sudden, life, that was already pretty darn cool before, is just beautiful in a way that I can't even describe. I feel really, really ALIVE. I feel grateful. For everything. I feel in tune with the Earth and the Universe and all beings. I don't feel the same levels of stress as I did before. I want to say "thank you" for everything, even the things that are stupid and used to be meaningless. I almost cried before folding my husband's socks, cause I had this thought... they could be any socks, but they are his, and they are beautiful. (OK, THAT I am willing to chalk up to pregnancy hormones!!!)
The bottom line is this. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. I know that when you ask the Universe for something with all your heart, you get it.
I know that answers come as signs, and that sometimes you feel like you're struggling for a long time before you see the light.
We all have different obstacles to overcome- different challenges to face and different truths to accept.
With a brave and open heart, ask for the guidance.
I did, and the answer was more beautiful than I could've imagined.
Not only am I getting a sweet baby boy to love and nurture, I have also reconnected to myself on a soul-level. My soul is not covered in tar or drowning in cider anymore, yeah!!!
The funny thing? When you stop running away from what you think are the scary bits of life, the scary bits lose their power.
Now that my head and heart are clear, I realize that the things I ran from were ILLUSIONS. FEARS. NOT REAL.
The gifts of the Universe are limitless.
Dream big, keep your heart open and believe in miracles!!!
...And go have lots of babies!!!