I have writing withdrawal and I feel it in my BONES! Lately, I haven't been writing much. Something about having two babies under 18 months old seems to keep me fairly occupied, with not so much free time for personal projects.
Buuuut….I need to do it.
I've been working on my book, for what seems like a million years. It's "in progress" (like me!) but this week, I finally allowed myself to lower my expectations about when it will be published. For some reason, I have been feeling like I just NEED to publish by the end of this year. As if I need to validate what I've been up to professionally in the last couple of years. Why??
I need to really let go of the self-imposed deadlines and pressure. Writing a book is important, but right now, my mom work is more important. My babies are young and need my full attention, and I want to give it to them 100%.
I just feel like I'm forcing too hard if I push to publish for a specific date, when I really want the writing to be holistic and natural.
I might just do more blogging, in the meantime, to get my fix!
I was re-reading some old posts and feeling nostalgic.
Writing really is therapeutic for me.
So, here's a little listicle of what's been going on, to keep my many readers (LOL) up-to-date:
-Summer was fun, but intense. Possibly overdid it with the visits, travelling and constant moving.
I was operating at full steam since Jake was born, with very little downtime.
-End of August I had a mini crash! Not a car crash, but a personal crash. Due to the overworking/over-travelling/over-hosting/over-doing everything, I just hit a wall. I had a panic attack the day of my grandmother-in-law's funeral, which sparked a couple of weeks of not feeling great.
It had been so long that I had felt the symptoms of anxiety (usually hits me as vertigo/spinning feeling/dizzy/accelerated heartrate etc.;) that I actually blamed it on ill-fitting contact lenses at first (so cute!).
So after that initially mild reaction/explanation, I went into a totally unexpected frenzy of worry/health anxiety.
I thought something was seriously wrong with my physical health.
I was, for the first time in a long time, really afraid.
I cried a lot and needed to rely on my husband a lot to help me (emotionally and psychologically, more than anything).
I went for blood tests and saw two optometrists.
I was fine. I am fine.
Super healthy.
Bloodwork fine.
Heartrate actually at optimal level.
(Contact lenses were the wrong base curve, but this has been corrected, and obvi, not the reason I went into a panic haha).
Basically my body and mind were just EXHAUSTED and the anxiety was my body's way of signalling a time-out.
Hubby was SO extremely supportive and helpful while I got myself back to feeling well.
When I'm really, truly scared, he just knows exactly what to do.
Every day he took the kids out so I could do yoga and meditation to get back to a more balanced state.
He bought me medicinal marijuana (LOL) and lots of snacks.
He listened to me, really listened, for as long as I needed to talk.
He reassured me.
He held me when I needed extra comfort.
He made me laugh.
He cancelled his commitments to take care of me.
I love him.
So I did an overhaul on my commitments, decided that I needed more nature/quiet time/alone time/exercise/water etc.; and then got on that.
6 weeks later, I feel remarkably better.
I still have some mild anxiety symptoms at times, but adapting my schedule and busyness really helped!
I also need to practice being gentle with myself.
I have always been a "I-CAN-DO-IT-WITHOUT-HELP-THANKS" type. I just like getting things done, by myself, and for myself.
There is a level of pride in this, but sometimes, it's detrimental.
Asking for a little assistance is OK.
I have a wonderful mother and father-in-law who love seeing their grandbabies and taking them to the park, so I am taking more advantage of that these days!
And while the babies are out, I usually go for a swim or do something else nice for myself.
Just getting that work/life/social life balance down!
My babies are also getting "older"(LOL as the "oldest is only 18 months old) but I feel like we are getting to a place where things will slow down a little, now.
Theo is much more independent, and Jake is a super fast learner, since he is looking up to his big bro and trying to mimic his ways.
So that's basically where we're at!
Today is Jake's 6 months, and I am 6 months postpartum and down 45 pounds! I'm sure it would be more if I didn't eat so much damn chocolate, but I am not giving that shit up.
Things I'm obsessed with these days:
-Composting/recycling
-Walking in different parts of our neighbourhood/exploring the streets I didn't know existed
-Chocolate
-Cleaning and organizing (this is not new)
-My babies and hubby
-Trying to find out if my neighbour stole my Nike workout pants, or if I just misplaced them
-Being OK with the world, as it is. Not stressing at all over things. Feeling like all my energies towards people are either positive or neutral.
-Sunflowers
-Everyone else's pregnancies! I have a pregnant friend, sister, step-sister, other friend....it's super exciting to put my full attention into other people's baby-growing chronicles for a change! And so excited to meet more babies. <3
-Still excited about being sober, but I'm so used to not drinking that it's not as much of a "thing" anymore. Day 428. I just don't drink!
Will write more soon
<3
Buuuut….I need to do it.
I've been working on my book, for what seems like a million years. It's "in progress" (like me!) but this week, I finally allowed myself to lower my expectations about when it will be published. For some reason, I have been feeling like I just NEED to publish by the end of this year. As if I need to validate what I've been up to professionally in the last couple of years. Why??
I need to really let go of the self-imposed deadlines and pressure. Writing a book is important, but right now, my mom work is more important. My babies are young and need my full attention, and I want to give it to them 100%.
I just feel like I'm forcing too hard if I push to publish for a specific date, when I really want the writing to be holistic and natural.
I might just do more blogging, in the meantime, to get my fix!
I was re-reading some old posts and feeling nostalgic.
Writing really is therapeutic for me.
So, here's a little listicle of what's been going on, to keep my many readers (LOL) up-to-date:
-Summer was fun, but intense. Possibly overdid it with the visits, travelling and constant moving.
I was operating at full steam since Jake was born, with very little downtime.
-End of August I had a mini crash! Not a car crash, but a personal crash. Due to the overworking/over-travelling/over-hosting/over-doing everything, I just hit a wall. I had a panic attack the day of my grandmother-in-law's funeral, which sparked a couple of weeks of not feeling great.
It had been so long that I had felt the symptoms of anxiety (usually hits me as vertigo/spinning feeling/dizzy/accelerated heartrate etc.;) that I actually blamed it on ill-fitting contact lenses at first (so cute!).
So after that initially mild reaction/explanation, I went into a totally unexpected frenzy of worry/health anxiety.
I thought something was seriously wrong with my physical health.
I was, for the first time in a long time, really afraid.
I cried a lot and needed to rely on my husband a lot to help me (emotionally and psychologically, more than anything).
I went for blood tests and saw two optometrists.
I was fine. I am fine.
Super healthy.
Bloodwork fine.
Heartrate actually at optimal level.
(Contact lenses were the wrong base curve, but this has been corrected, and obvi, not the reason I went into a panic haha).
Basically my body and mind were just EXHAUSTED and the anxiety was my body's way of signalling a time-out.
Hubby was SO extremely supportive and helpful while I got myself back to feeling well.
When I'm really, truly scared, he just knows exactly what to do.
Every day he took the kids out so I could do yoga and meditation to get back to a more balanced state.
He bought me medicinal marijuana (LOL) and lots of snacks.
He listened to me, really listened, for as long as I needed to talk.
He reassured me.
He held me when I needed extra comfort.
He made me laugh.
He cancelled his commitments to take care of me.
I love him.
So I did an overhaul on my commitments, decided that I needed more nature/quiet time/alone time/exercise/water etc.; and then got on that.
6 weeks later, I feel remarkably better.
I still have some mild anxiety symptoms at times, but adapting my schedule and busyness really helped!
I also need to practice being gentle with myself.
I have always been a "I-CAN-DO-IT-WITHOUT-HELP-THANKS" type. I just like getting things done, by myself, and for myself.
There is a level of pride in this, but sometimes, it's detrimental.
Asking for a little assistance is OK.
I have a wonderful mother and father-in-law who love seeing their grandbabies and taking them to the park, so I am taking more advantage of that these days!
And while the babies are out, I usually go for a swim or do something else nice for myself.
Just getting that work/life/social life balance down!
My babies are also getting "older"(LOL as the "oldest is only 18 months old) but I feel like we are getting to a place where things will slow down a little, now.
Theo is much more independent, and Jake is a super fast learner, since he is looking up to his big bro and trying to mimic his ways.
So that's basically where we're at!
Today is Jake's 6 months, and I am 6 months postpartum and down 45 pounds! I'm sure it would be more if I didn't eat so much damn chocolate, but I am not giving that shit up.
Things I'm obsessed with these days:
-Composting/recycling
-Walking in different parts of our neighbourhood/exploring the streets I didn't know existed
-Chocolate
-Cleaning and organizing (this is not new)
-My babies and hubby
-Trying to find out if my neighbour stole my Nike workout pants, or if I just misplaced them
-Being OK with the world, as it is. Not stressing at all over things. Feeling like all my energies towards people are either positive or neutral.
-Sunflowers
-Everyone else's pregnancies! I have a pregnant friend, sister, step-sister, other friend....it's super exciting to put my full attention into other people's baby-growing chronicles for a change! And so excited to meet more babies. <3
-Still excited about being sober, but I'm so used to not drinking that it's not as much of a "thing" anymore. Day 428. I just don't drink!
Will write more soon
<3
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